Today is my Mom’s 73rd birthday. As you may be able to tell from the photo, my Mom has a rather large personality. Though she measures a scant (albeit feisty) 5 foot 1 3/4 inches (she insists on the 1 3/4), she has a room-filling presence, quick wit and gift for storytelling that has made her a force of mothering power. She is indispensable in some of life’s most challenging moments, but do not, under any circumstances wake her up in the middle of the night with a bad dream. She is rather less than helpful. Unless you’re bleeding out from your femoral artery, then she’s awesome.
In an effort to honor her 73 years on this planet, I’d like to share a list I compiled several years back, a testament to all of our Moms, their personalities and most memorable quotes. Enjoy…and do feel free to comment with one of your Mom’s lines. I mean, what are we saving these gems for?
If I had a quarter for every time my Mom said…
You need to put on some lipstick.
-Katherine Barry Verano
Call me back or I’ll take you out of my will.
-Anne Chandler
You LIKE this.
-Mary Elizabeth Woods
Of course, your Grandfather gambled away MY college tuition.
-Tasha Gandy
Balls.
-Tara Laposa
I’ll break your legs.
-Joan Yax Lyman
I’m not going to ask you again.
-Emily Hedblom Currie
Get your hair out of your face.
-Kit O’Connell Menis
You know, you’re supposed to be the smart one!
-Vita Martino Larkin
Are you sure there’s enough room in the crotch?
-Jenny Badman
Our Lord is watching you.
-Patti Spaniak
What about how I feel?
-Amy Stemmler
You should keep [insert newly-dumped boyfriend’s name here] as a friend because you never know when you’ll need help moving.
-Heather Lane Lyman
jennybadman.com 
8 responses to “What Mom Said”
You’ll miss me when I’m gone.
Joan’s mom’s newest zinger, implying that Joan had terrible circles under her eyes: “Heya, you keep your eyes in those bags?”
Quit your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!
Me: That’s not Fair !!!!!
Mom: Fair is where pigs get blue ribbons.
I’m praying for you.
Moms can be equal parts sweet and guilt, no?
You should really start dressing your age. A. Lowe
She died when I was 12 after a three-year bout with cancer, so I don’t remember much. But I do remember one day when I played my guitar and sang at the local folk fest. She sat in her wheelchair, had tears in her eyes and she said, “I’m so proud of you!”
Those words, and her tear-filled eyes, stayed with me all those years.