One of those nine times was with a boy with whom I was in desperate, angst-y teenage love. As I watched the movie with him, stealing sidelong glances to see if he laughed at the same moments I did, I imagined us as one of the long-married couples in the movie’s vignette asides, talking about how we met, revealing our quirky but everlasting love for one another.
That didn’t really pan out.
But, it didn’t stop me from watching the movie many, many more times.
I’ve watched When Harry Met Sally countless times: on my “special features” DVD but most often, when it’s on T.V. It never fails to make laugh aloud. It never fails to make me want to live in New York. It is somehow timeless and yet exactly in the moments it so perfectly portrays.
After I read of Nora Ephron’s passing, I began receiving emails from friends whose messages ranged from sadness and anger (Subject line of one email: Nooooooooooooooooo!) to a compassion usually reserved for the passing of a dear friend (“I feel like I should say I’m sorry for your loss.”) to a vigil-like devotion planned for an upcoming trip (“That means in Vermont we have to quote When Harry Met Sally even more than we usually do.”)
Yes, my friends and I quote When Harry Met Sally.
It’s my sincere belief that there is an appropriate line for nearly every moment in life.
As evidenced by…
When I buy a new book I always read the last page first, that way in case I die before I finish I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
Sheldon can do your income taxes. If you need a root, canal Sheldon’s your man, but humping and pumping is not Sheldon’s strong suit. It’s the name. Do it to me ‘Sheldon’, you’re an animal ‘Sheldon’, ride me big ‘Sheldon‘. Doesn’t work.
ON SEXUAL FANTASIES
A faceless man rips your clothes off, and that’s the sex fantasy you’ve had since you were 12. Exactly the same.
Well, sometimes I vary it a little.
What I’m wearing.
ON BURGEONING RELATIONSHIPS
You take someone to the airport it’s clearly the beginning of a relationship, which is why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship.
Because eventually things move on and you don’t take someone to the airport, and I never wanted anyone to say to me, ‘How come you never take me to the airport anymore?’
Well if you must know it was because he was very jealous, and I had these days of the week underpants.
ON CAREER CHOICE
You were going to be a gymnast.
Right, that’s what I said.
THE WHOLE LIFE-OF-A-SINGLE-GUY THING
You meet someone, you have the safe lunch, you decide you like each other enough to move on to dinner. You go dancing, you do the white man’s overbite, go back to her place, you have sex and the minute you’re finished you know what goes through your mind? How long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home. Is 30 seconds enough?
ON THE BIOLOGICAL CLOCK
I said to myself, “You deserve more, you’re 31 years old…”
And the clock is ticking.
No, the clock doesn’t really start to tick until you’re 36.
Look, there is no point in my going out with someone I might really like if I met him at the right time but who right now has no chance of being anything to me but a transitional man.
ON BEING HARSH
You know what she says? ‘I don’t know if I’ve ever loved you.’
DON’T FUCK WITH MR. ZERO
You’re saying Mr. Zero knew you were getting a divorce a week before you did?
Mr. Zero knew.
RE: SEX ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR
Not once, it’s this cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile.
You’re a human affront to all women, and I am a woman.
ON FAKING THE BIG “O”
It’s just that all men are sure it never happened to them and most women at one time or another have done it, so you do the math.
ON PULLING YOUR FRIEND ASIDE TO CHAT SECRETLY
Ohh, I’ve been looking for a red suede pump.
THE POST RUN-IN-WITH-THE-EX MELTDOWN
We started out like this, Helen and I. We had blank walls, we hung things, we picked out tiles together. Then you know what happens? Six years later you find yourself singing Surrey With The Fringe On Top in front of Ira!
MUST BE SAID DURING EVERY GAME OF PICTIONARY FOREVERMORE
Baby fish mouth!
He’s too tall to talk to.
She makes 3,600 chocolate mousse pies a week.
RE: REJECTION, SELF-LOATHING, & AGING
Why didn’t he want to marry me? What’s the matter with me?
I’m too structured, I’m completely closed off.
But in a good way.
No, no, no I drove him away…and I’m gonna be 40.
In eight years.
But it’s there. It’s just sitting there like this big dead end. And it’s not the same for men. Charlie Chaplain had babies when he was 73.
Yeah, but he was too old to pick them up.
I love that you get cold when it’s 70 degrees out, I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order asandwich, I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts, I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep.
Why do we quote these lines, you ask? Because Nora wrote down all the things we want to say (if we are brave, funny, and honest enough), all the things we have said (from the mewling, angst-filled abyss to our shiniest, exultant heights), and the things we want someone to say to us (if we will just open ourselves to them).
During her much-too-short life, she listened, watched, wrote and gave us the gift of her words. And they are worth saying, repeating, living, and sharing. They are love and laughter. They are eternal.
One of the most thought-provoking moments of my college career was when my Anthropology professor hit us with the notion that we are all taught to love. That love is learned. Like walking, talking, learning to tie your shoes, or algebra. I think of that every so often, especially when love confounds me.
What is very clear is the love I have for the items below:
The commercial that defined my childhood vision of a romantic Valentine’s getaway. Which probably explains a LOT.
Love and only love will endure. -Neil Young
Just finished reading Patti Smith’s Just Kids. It was so good that I simply opened it back up to the first page to begin reading again.
My niece, Callie, and me in 2001.
I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table. – Billy Collins, Litany
9 or so minutes in Passaic, New Jersey, 1978.
All Will Be Well. Because it will.
The hardest battles of all within ourselves. Thanks, Katie.
“Home” by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes, because it makes me think of the world’s best Valentine, my Dad, who never let a Valentine’s Day pass without giving me the gift of chocolate. Oh, and unconditional love. Thanks, Dad!
Now, go throw your arms around the neck of someone you love. As in a hug. Or a good-natured headlock. Your choice. Happy Valentine’s Day!
My Uncle Bob passed away yesterday after a long battle with cancer.
Dear Uncle Bob,
Thank you for always being an example to me of a life well lived. My memories of you and Aunt Georgia are filled with love…of warm, homemade cookies…long swims in your pool until my fingers and toes were wrinkled…vivid summer flowers Aunt Georgia tended…the kaleidoscope of colors of the jukebox in the basement…watching with wonder as you talked about your job…the heat of the sun-warmed cement lulling me to sleep by the pool…the way you always both talked to me like I was a person, not just a kid, even when I was a kid…the comfort of knowing I was safe and loved…safe enough to fall asleep in your car on the trip from Findlay…loved enough to strive to live fully as you both do…
The moments I spent with you are precious beyond measure. You taught me so much with your honesty, humor and compassion. I hope what I’m writing now is something you already knew, already and always felt from me. But I wanted to write this so that it’s clear. I love you and am so very grateful for all have brought to my life.
As a gentle reminder, above all, there is love. Should you like to celebrate it, join the folks of AFFA at a wedding reception honoring two wonderful women tomorrow (Friday) evening. You needn’t know the couple to attend, nor do you need a tux or a gown. In fact, the gals are on their honeymoon. Just come as you as are. A donation provides entry, food, music, drinks…and plenty of love. RSVP here.